The Purple Petunia

A Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre – three acts with courses served during intermissions. A classic who-done-it with a cruise ship theme. The captain has just fallen overboard. Or was he pushed? If so, who did it?

Comedy. 2 females, 4 males.

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Excerpt

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Act II Scene 2

Suzie: ( runs into room and screams) Help, oh help. The Captain, I saw the
Captain – Oh, Oh, I saw –

Dr. Now just calm down, it’s okay, you’re over heating yourself. Let me take
your pulse ( he goes to her ) Oh, it’s really racing.

Suzie: ( slaps him away ) I’m trying to tell you, I saw the Captain on the
deck, the waves were crashing against the hull., the deck was swaying, the
fog rolled in. One minute he was standing there, leaning on the rail, and the
next – poof – he was gone. I rushed over to the rail just in time to see him hit
the water and get swallowed up by a huge wave.

All: Oh, that’s terrible, etc., etc.

1st mate: (stumbles to the mike ) Never fear, I am here. Everything is under
control. I’m in charge now.

Suzie: You! You little twrip. You can’t replace the likes of Captain Becker
Long!

1st Mate: As 1st mate I must take over where he left off.

Suzie: Fine, he left off in the ocean, go jump over board.

Sammy: Hold it, this is no time for fighting. We have passengers to take care
of.

Billy: He’s right. This is a cruise ship. We gotta cruise. Godfrey, you’re in
charge.

1st mate: Thank you sir, you won’t regret it sir, I won’t let you down, sir.

Billy: All right, all right, let’s keep moving, there’s a beach with my name on
it, waiting for me in the morning.

1st mate: Aye aye sir. Full steam ahead, sir.

Sammy: Wait a minute. Hold it. We can’t leave without the Captain.

1st mate: Technically, we aren’t – he left us.

Suzie : Sammy’s right. We’ve got to recover his body. It’s the least we can
do.

Betty: That seems fair.

1st mate: But we’ve got a destination. The course has been set, the charts
have been drawn, the – ( she’s got him in a choke hold ) I’ll just radio the
engine room.

Suzie: That’s better.

1st mate: All right everyone, stand by to lean to the left. We’re going to turn
around. Left everyone, port, port, heads to the bar.

( Suzie starts to get sick )

Dr. I’ll go organize a search party for the body.

Betty: Oh Sugar. She said that there were a lot of fabulously famous people
on board tonight but I haven’t seen anyone that I recognize.

Billy: Well, we should respect their privacy.

Betty: Oh please….

Billy: Oh all right, here they are. ( points out several famous look a likes )

Betty: Ooh, that was so exciting. One day you’ll be introducing me like that.

Billy: Why, you’re famous now, Baby. Why don’t you perform for us right
now.

Suzie: I haven’t done my monologue yet, what gives?

Billy: Just relax, the night is young. You’ll get your chance.

Suzie: But…

Billy: Who owns this ship?

Suzie: Ladies and Germs, it gives me no end of pleasure to introduce to you
this completely unknown commodity, this ” who knows if she can even
carry a tune”, Miss Betty Bimbo.

Betty: Betty Buttercup.

Suzie: It’s times like this you wish you were unionized.

Betty: Thank you, Ladies and Germs. Ha ha ha.

Suzie: Two minutes and she’s stealing my lines.

Betty: I’d like to sing a little tune for you. A little ditty made famous a few
years ago by a very famous person, a great humanitarian and a close
personal friend of mine.

Sammy: Those are my lines.

( She sings Bette Midler’s ” Do you want to dance” – picking up various guys
to dance with her in the musical interludes. )

Suzie: Well, thank you very much Miss Buttercup. I think that’s all we can
stomach for now. We do still want some appetite for dinner, which, as it
happens, is being served right now. Chow down everyone.

Betty: Oh, oh! Costume change for Act III (exits)