Excerpt
Strawberry Monologue © Talia Pura
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Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 221/2 hours since my last
confession, so here I am, to unburden myself and receive absolution for my
sins. I usually go to St. Michael’s, over on Fourth and Grover, but Father
Andrew insisted that I come and pay you a visit today. I told him yesterday,
I said, see you tomorrow, or actually, you’ll hear me tomorrow, I said, he he
he, and he said, well he said, why don’t you go over to our Lady of Perpetual
Solace and Hope and give Father Matthew an earful tomorrow. I hear he’s
very lonely over there, he said. Well, I said, in that case, I said, I’ll do that
Father. So, here I am. ……
So, anyway, after I left St. Michael’s church yesterday, I went to the market
to pick up a few things. They have such nice produce and the staff is so
helpful and courteous. As I was telling my mother the other day, Mamma, I
said, I am so impressed with how helpful and courteous the staff is, I said.
And she said, oh, she said, I’ve always noticed that too, she said. When you
were a little girl, they always gave you a lollipop, every time we went in, she
said. Well, I said, of course I remember that, too, Mamma. I have an
excellent memory, you know. Yes, indeed, I said, I will most certainly be a
customer for life. Unless they change their policy of being helpful and
courteous. That could happen if they’d change ownership. Do you have any
idea who owns it, Father? Father? Are you there Father? Oh, he he he, for
a moment there, I thought you’d left, but I can still hear you breathing.
So, as I was saying, Father, yesterday, I went to the market for milk and
bread. Momma asked for whole milk. I’ve told her a thousand times that she
ought to be switching to skim milk, or at least 2%. Mamma, I said, Mamma,
you are not doing your arteries any favor with all that fat. Not that she is
doing her weight any favor, either. If you must know, she has a serious
weight problem. But it wouldn’t be kind to tell her that and I don’t want to
add to the list of sins that I have to go to confession for every day, so I just
stick with the arteries.
So there I was in the market, right smack dab in the middle of the produce
department, when I found just the nicest, juiciest, red strawberries that you
ever did see. So I said to myself, oh, I said, I really should pick up some of
these strawberries for Mamma’s ice cream after dinner tonight. I said. I
don’t think that it’s a good idea that she eats ice cream for dessert every
night, but since she is eating it anyway, she may as well have some nice
strawberries to go with it, don’t you think?
So I picked up what I thought was the best looking little basket of
strawberries, but just as I was about to put it into my cart, I noticed that there
was one berry, near the bottom, that was actually starting to turn mushy.
Well, you know that if you take home one mushy berry in a basket of good
ones, it starts affecting all the other berries and before you know it, you can
just forget about having those berries on your ice cream, thank you very
much. So I dug down the side of the basket and picked out the mushy berry
and changed it for a really good berry from another basket. (beat) Nobody
saw me do it, except God. I felt so bad, but what could I do? The deed was
done. If I would have switched them back, one of the helpful and courteous
staff members might have come over and started asking questions. I
practically ran to the nearest check out counter and paid for the strawberries,
my cheeks burning with shame. I’m surprised the cashier didn’t notice me
blushing. She was just as courteous as she always is. Have a nice day, she
said, just like she always does.
Thank heaven you were here today to take my confession. I couldn’t have
held it in another minute. ….
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